Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist SavannahFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 477 Deviations 1,541 Comments 8,612 Pageviews

Newest Deviations


Art that I like, agree with, or just thought was so cute.




Kaiyoko-chan's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I am a gamer, an author, a person, and a student. I play games, may not be too good at them, but I play them. Same goes for writing and drawing. I can be hyper and I can be calm. I'm off topic, so I will leave this now.

"Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?
I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?
Can I take another step? I've done everything I can
All the people that I see I will never understand
If I find a way to change, if I step into the light
Then I'll never be the same, and it all will fade to white" ~Bad Apple Eng Ver- Ashe and Rockleetist

:la:People I know:la:
:iconxxmidnightmemoryxx: :iconarivin-da-jokester: :iconaxelgurl: :iconnashi-hime: :iconakumu16: :iconjaymebear: :icont2rebg::iconrandallbroyles: :iconredthealien: :iconedickens13: :iconnight-chimeras-cry: :iconboxes-of-foxxes: :icondinkaiser: :iconlunar-wolf-aurae:
Slightly joking titles aside, how do I make friends? It seems to me that everyone I know and love now, I have met through sheer dumb luck. I met my fiance because of a typo on his schedule that turned him to a room that didn't exist when he was actually in my class. I met my high school friends through being uncharacteristically social and approaching one about something she drew. And really, everyone else I know I met through those two things. All the people I met and befriended in high school was a result of that one day at the beginning of my freshman year, and everyone I met in college was a result of either that day in high school or that day meeting my fiance. Actually, it is kind of funny that the one day in high school still affected things so much later. I was meeting people through a friend, she knows who she is XP, whom I was introduced to by an ex I was set up with by my friends in high school. If that is not the most intense case of cause and effect I've seen, then I have no idea.

Got off topic, my thing is, how do you meet people when you don't talk or feel so uncomfortable around people? I want to have friends, I want to be social, but I can't. If I am in a room of people I don't know I won't speak really then when I start to consider people friends I feel like I am bothering them constantly. I can sit in a room of people watching as they talk to others and want to be a part of it but I don't know how to. How do I find people who will deal with me being as weird, crazy, and such a handful? I go crazy sitting at home all the time, but I just get really sad when I am in public alone. It is a lose-lose for me it seems. 

How do I change how I am to be more social? My mom calls me a social butterfly, but it is all by chance that I have so many friends/know so many people. I honestly don't know how to deal with this. There is a little playground area outside my apartment, and I sat on the swing after dark and was so sad because I missed my friends, the people who would have been out there with me having fun on the swings. Why am I so freaking emotional? I've been off for a week and I have no idea why. I am so sad and lonely, but why am I so lonely when I am not alone? There were people with me, there were people I was talking to so why so sad and lonely?

This derailed so bad, I don't even know. I think I may have needed to rant a little. Everything is kind of getting to me, I work my last day at my old job tomorrow, then next week I am permanently moving into the apartment, leaving behind all that I know. Is it that fact that is making me so emotional? I have no idea, I just want it to stop, I don't want these feels. I prefer when I don't have feels that I don't understand. I like it better when I know why I am feeling the way I am. I feel like when I've moved I'm going to end up throwing myself back into games, anime, and fanfiction even worse than I did in high school. I'll get a job but that will be all I do there, and I hate that I feel like that, I don't even know if I will write anymore, I haven't actually written anything in such a long time. I tried, I really tried but it just isn't good anymore, nothing flows like it used to. I haven't even really been drawing either, I drew like two things in the last month. Both were venting to get out being sad.

I think I need to talk to someone about all of this. That would probably be a good idea. Sorry if anyone read all of that, it was just a jumbled mess coming from my mind. I guess more of a venting rant than anything.
  • Listening to: Euterpe - Guilty Crown song

AdCast - Ads from the Community



Add a Comment:
LeffenKitty Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Pssssssst hi this is Lef from the fb chat
Liz sent us your dA ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Kaiyoko-chan Featured By Owner May 30, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Kay, but I'm not active on here much anymore ;-;
LeffenKitty Featured By Owner May 30, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's okay! ^^
Le-Vane Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankies much for the watch! > u< It really means a lot, and I hope I don't disappoint~!♥
Kaiyoko-chan Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think I'll be pleased :D I would have replied sooner but I've been a bit busy recently.
Le-Vane Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah it's all good! ^^ And I'm glad you think so ; u ;
Microsmos Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the favs!
Luperkalia Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Butterfly Free avatar ¸¸.·´¯`☆*´ thanks so much for faving my artwork, it's always a great pleasure if someone supports me ~
i really appreciate it¸¸.·´¯`☆*´Butterfly Free avatar 
waywardgal Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so very much for the favs on my work. Your support means the absolute world to me. I can't express with words, and I hope you can consider watching :) (Smile)
Dark-Crescent-Studio Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Hi and welcome to the :icon100themechallenge: group ^_^ Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions regarding the group or any of the specific challenges.

And as always, good luck!!
Add a Comment: